Life without the internet?!

What's this? What's this? There's colour everywhere.
What's this? There's WiFi in the air.


Now, hold the phone… what's this?! 


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Is this for real? And I seeing this? Can I truly believe what is on my screen? Is the internet in my student accommodation actually finally working? Do I have full WiFi signal? Does the internet actually stay connected? YES YES YES!! Is it faster than old school dial-up? Well… I wouldn't go that far but it's better than a slap in the face with a soggy fish.

Things I hate...

1. When people try and explain the meanings of lyrics to me. When I listen to music I generally listen because I enjoy the lyrics. Alas, my love of Fall Out Boy shows my music taste isn't exactly that of high art but the point still stands. I am a geek... I adore reading, writing and I have the somewhat rare ability to comprehend Shakespeare. Yes, of course I understand the lyrics of Don't Trust Me by 3OH!3!! It's one of my favourite songs... and frankly, has perfectly understandable lyrics. Even for the plebs among us. Stop trying to explain it to me. I get it!!
   
2. Not understanding the boiler. I have a problem, okay? I'm not one for DIY, home maintenance and the like. My mother dearest is basically a walking toolbox... I've never had any need to know how to do things like that around the house. And suddenly I'm at uni! Suddenly, I'm standing opposite the boiler, scratching my noggin' with a bewildered expression on my face. And no matter how many times it's been explained to me, this is still one piece of fundamental knowledge that I can't grasp. Remind me never to live alone... I'd be a hazard.
   
3. Too much pasta. Why is is so so difficult to measure out pasta. It's not as if it expands in the pan in any great way... It's just pasta. Why can I not judge it? I always end up with a gargantuan plate of pasta that well and truly defeats my eating capabilities. I'm not one to waste food but after I'm stodged myself to bursting I always regret bad judgement when I'm plastered to the sofa, stuffed with food and staring at Top Gear glumly.
   
4. Improper use of apostrophes. 'nough said, I suppose. Yes, I'm a grammer Nazi. Eats, shoots and leaves would be my bible if I could be bothered to finish it. I would wear this proudly if I didn't prefer alcohol to buying random tees from the internet.
   
   
5. Gaps in blogs. Ah, see here... this is topical. I hate that I often leave a week or more gap between blog posts and then every now and then post several within a few days. More than anything the untidiness of the archive bothers me. From now on I shall try and write at least one blog per week. On a Sunday... and of course more if the mood leans that way.
   
6. Promising to keep to a schedule I set for myself. Oh the irony.

Tell me your odd little hates. :)

A Beginner's Guide To Losing At Poker

Here I am, sat cross-legged, eyebrows furrowed, staring at an untidy pile of poker chips and I find myself in and I’m wondering whether pocket Queens are worth the imaginary money that i’m betting. It’s a Sunday evening and I’m been playing my first ever game of poker. I’m surrounded by a small selection of a student poker society, various empty cans of Carlsberg and a mountain of Maoam wrappers. It’s my turn to bet or fold. Jake, the player to the right of me picks up his cards checks them for the third time since he raised his bet. I think he’s bluffing. It’s now the turn of my recently appointed poker tutor, Ellie. She looks at me then trains her eyes on Jake. He checks his facedown cards again. Ellie folds. I’m starting to get a little nervous now but I’m still sure that he’s bluffing. I open another Maoam and stare at my cards. “Call.” Jake picks up his cards and throws them down triumphantly. The ten of hearts and the King of hearts. A royal flush. I look to Ellie for sympathy but she just laughs. “I told you! You can’t trust him!”